IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO GIVE BILLIE A BIRTHDAY PRESENT.......

Please, please consider making a donation to this little boy's appeal

www.justgiving.com/jamie-appeal

Billie's 18th is nearly here.

She would have been old enough to go on the bone marrow register.

If you are 18 or over so are you!

If you are over 17 you can also give blood.

We cant bring our darling girl back but we CAN help other children with cancer.

Sign up THIS WEEK to give blood and bone marrow.

DO IT FOR OUR BILLIE.

www.blood.co.uk

www.nhsbt.nhs.uk/bonemarrow/

 Having you sign up to donate would mean more to us than just about anything.

Thank you

PLEASE NOTE THAT YOU MAY NOT COPY OR REPRODUCE ANYTHING FROM THIS WEBSITE WITHOUT THE SPONSER'S PERMISSION

Here is a beautiful poem for my girl. I love you Billie. You are MYGIRL forever baby.

Footprints In the Snow:

We fall to the earth like leaves
Lives as brief as footprints in snow
No words express the grief we feel
I feel I cannot let her go.
For she is everywhere.
Walking on the windswept beach
Talking in the sunlit square.
Next to me in the car
I see her sitting there.
At night she dreams me
and in the morning the sun does not rise.
My life is as thin as the wind
And I am done with counting stars.
She is gone, she is gone.
I am her sad music, and I play on, and on, and on.
(Roger McGough

.



PHOTOS
If you have photos you want to put on the site I am very happy for you to do so. Just submit them via this site and they come to me for approval and then I put them on. Dont worry if they dont go on right away, it doesnt mean they havent got to me.  I would love to see your piccies and graphics xx










THE RECALL
THE night was dark when she went away, and they slept.

The night is dark now, and I call for her, "Come back, my darling; the world is asleep; and no one would know, if you came for a moment while stars are gazing at stars."



She went away when the trees were in bud and the spring was young.

Now the flowers are in high bloom and I call, "Come back, my darling. The children gather and scatter flowers in reckless sport. And if you come and take one little blossom no one will miss it."



Those that used to play are playing still, so spendthrift is life.

I listen to their chatter and call, "Come back, my darling, for mother's heart is full to the brim with love, and if you come to snatch only one little kiss from her no one will grudge it."

Rabindranth Tagore

This is for Billie.  Billie was the most amazing child and was loved by everyone who met her.  She was very ill for the last two years of her life and bore this with bravery and dignity.  When she knew she was going to die she was incredible and an inspiration to all.  She wanted to be a lawyer and a dancer and a model and she was certainly beautiful and clever and talented enough to be all these and more.  I miss you so much my darling so much it hurts.  But I know you wanted me and dad and the boys to get on with things.  I just need more time darling.

Billie was born on 20th January 1991 at the Whittington Hospital in North London. She was a 'Gulf War Baby'.  Her dad having come back from the war 9mths previously!  She gave me a hard time but smiled as soon as she was born.I could not take my eyes off her and would not let go of her crib even when I was asleep! I could not belive that a creature so beautiful could have come from me (and her daddy of course!). She was the most beautiful baby with dark skin, wavy black hair and bright,bright blue eyes. I could not walk down the street without people stopping me to comment on her beauty. She was also a very easy baby and would eat and drink anything you gave her, sleep through the night and loved going shopping. Her auntie Caroline bought her a Peter Rabbit from John Lewis on one of her first shopping trips. She kept this all her life but we lost it at hospital one day and I think it went with the laundry. I wish so much I had that now.  Billie was an adorable toddler and won the prettist girl in Holloway competition in James Selby! She looked very different then with a big chubby face and mad curly hair. Not at all the elegant young lady she became. She was a tomboy and when she was three decided she would be a boy. She would not have it any other way and would not be called her, she or girl and you could NOT make a single mistake or she would catch you out. I did ask her if she was a boy where her willy was but she did not think this important and said she would grow one later. She ruined all my expensive lipsticks but really never did anything totally outrageous. We did have a chocolate cake burgalar once. Dad was alseep and Id gone to work. She came running in to wake dad up and said 'oh daddy we have had a burgerlar and he has stolen all the chocolate cake from the fridge' this may have fooled Aubrey but Billie was covered in chocolate so even he guessed he terrible truth. We also had to put a lock on the kitchen door because she kept sneaking in and eating all the stock cubes. I am sure she thought they were sweeties and if she kept trying they would eventually taste nice. I will tell you more soon. I think Billie will be giving me 'that look' right now for telling you all this. But I want everyone to know that Billie was a real person, a special girl who will never be forgotten and made such a difference to those who knew her.x

Billie's brother, Harley, was born when she was almost 2 years old. She really wasnt that intersted in him. She was the most laid back child I've ever known. She took more interest once he started moving about and from that moment on they fought like cat and dog, often actually drawing blood. It didnt help that they had to share a room. Harley once emptied the entire contents of their room out of the window and we had to go around the neighbours asking for our stuff back. Thanks Harley! Billie went to the Butterfly Nursery N19. Its shut now but she loved it there. We used to walk there in the mornings and she would do sums with me. She was incredibly bright and could talk and talk. I told her that snakes lived in the telephone junction box on the corner of Carleton road and she belived me for years! She went to Tuffnel Park school and made lots of friends. Hannah and Kirsten were her friends all her life. We moved to Walthamstow when she was 10 and she really began to blossom. The first girl she met was Sophie who was showing off her apendectomy scar at the time. Sophie remained Billie's friend for the rest of her life.

Billie was very happy at Winns Primary and Aveling Park School. She loved dance and was beginning to go out more with her friends (tho I wasnt very good at letting her go!) when she began to feel unwell. She had terrible pains in her legs and back, headaches and was very tired. We thought she had a virus but after two weeks I took her to the GP. A blood test showed abnormalities and I was terrified they were going to tell me she had Leukiemia then. But they couldnt find anything and let us go. This relief was not to last because on 23rd August 2004 we had to go to Whipps Cross where they told us our precious girl had this wicked disease.  Billie was so brave. There is no point using loads of words to discribe how she behaved it makes no difference. She was just so brave. We went to the Middlesex Hospital the next day where her diagnosis was confirmed on the 24th August 2004. That was our wedding anniversary.

Billie then started almost two years of treatment. This was the hardest time of my life and I cannot imagine how our Billie got through it the way she did. She went through hell. She was so ill, so many times. To discribe this in detail on this site would be far too upsetting for those who loved her.  Just know that all children who go through this treatment deserve your love, respect and absolute admiration. They are all amazing.